Stop, Just STOP!

Alright, so I admit I'm terribly poor. However, I want to give back this holiday season. And for the record for me the holiday is Christmas. Don't celebrate it? That's fine to each their own. Now, I can't afford to donate, because I'm having a hard time getting money together for a winter coat of all things. So gift or care packages are out of the questions as well. BUT I'm an artist! So I learned that you can send cards to soldiers over seas or even to soldiers recovering in hospitals here in the states.

So here's my master plan. Most years I draw out a Christmas card design on a 9x12 inch piece of paper and then color it with color pencils. Then I take a photo of it and put it into Photoshop. From there I shrink the image down to card size add my words and then print them out. Then I told and then I take the time to write out loving messages to my friends and family. I then I cut out and fold my own envelopes for the cards and seal them up.

I figure I can afford to print out a few more and write some nice things to some soldiers who are serving are country and are away from home and family. They deserve to know that there are people out there that believe that they are worth a thank you. And that we think about them. So that's the Grand Plan.

So why the title? Everyone around me has these strange ideas about how, when, and what I should be doing. I want to do this my way. I can do cards. There are places that I can send the cards and then they send them off to the soldiers. I think that's wonderful. It has to be cards, I can't do anything else. I'm poor. Let me say that again. I'm POOR! In fact I am so poor, I'm not too sure I could afford the last two letters of the word poor. So there you go.

That leaves me with When. Yeah, everyone likes to tell me that I can draw anytime I want. They have no idea what my head is like. They don't know my Evil Drawing Muse or anything like that. The lighting that I need or other things that need to be done in the day.

I'm not just an artist but I also like to write. And I am so close to being caught up with my story that I can continue writing it. And does anyone know how hard it is to draw something happy when your feeling sad or depressed? How about when your anxiety is so high you can't really think about what you're drawing? The Muse does not like these times and tends to go away and wait.

I find it hard to draw when there is something else that I planned to do at a certain time. For instance, I want to write in the afternoon so I don't feel that drawing in the afternoon is a good idea. And the lighting is all wrong for evening drawing.

So please stop telling me I can draw whenever. It's just not true. I can only draw when the Evil Drawing Muse says I can. That is the way of the artist. We draw when the muse says so, we stop when they go away. Or when we drop or the pain is too much. You get the picture.

No I Haven't

No I haven't forgotten about my blog. I have just been a rather busy woman. Starting with getting things ready for a weekend at my bestie's house. My best friend in the whole world came up and kidnapped me for a long weekend. We went and checked out a hot air balloon rally where I took a bunch of pictures. Some good, some bad, but the point was I had fun.

I've also had to do doctor appointments and grocery shopping. And please let us not forget the most important thing of all, I HAD to draw. Also after a month of being in one kind of pain or another I was finally able to clean my basement apartment. Which I am very happy for. I really quite afraid of spiders and their homes and since I'm in the basement they tend to like it down here. So cleaning is my best bet. However I forgot to clean the Dust Bunny Graveyards out. I'll have to do that this coming weekend. So yes just a bit busy.

I have not gotten back to writing my book yet. Still life is pulling me away. It's a bit discouraging at times, but I really want to get back to it. I'm sure taking time to write a blog instead of writing on a book is not the best of choices but oh well I don't have time for book today. In a little bit my sister will be here to take me to town to take care of me things, like exchanging a sweater and gathering supplies for a project and other things that are meant for me. I don't take time for me in this manor very often so when I do I go all in.

I did draw today. I'm trying very hard to plunge head long into my art. Of course then I get homework from the shrink that makes me think about stuff that I do and things that I want to do. I might be thinking to much. You can laugh there if you want.

Where does one find the time to do all the things they need to do and the things they want to do? And how does one decide which is which? Right now I don't know the answers. Perhaps that is why I'm having trouble getting back to writing my books. Or why it's been so hard to get back to drawing. And now I find my exercising is faltering. I have all these things to do and many I don't know how to do and people are asking what am I going to do when and if I go back to working like a normal person. I don't even know what I can do if that ever happens.

No I haven't got my life figured out. Yes, I know I'm over 40 and I should have it figured out. No, I haven't forgotten about all the things I want to do. No, I haven't forgotten about all the things I need to do. No, I haven't forgotten about all the things everyone else thinks I should do even though I don't want to and have no plans to do them. No, I just haven't got life all planned out, deal with it.